A 4-Step Guide to Killing Your Social Media Career

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As I play catch-up here, I wanted to give a little plug to my friends at the Shorty Awards, where I've been a member of the Real-Time Academy of judges since I was in short pants (get it?).

They asked me to publish some career advice there, and I know they have been regretting it ever since. Yet somehow, they keep this article up there, probably because they don't know anyone else who will sift through 900 "best use of a GIF featuring a member of the Real Housewives" award submissions on the three-day notice they give judges. Granted, they do pay me, in the form of a priceless reward of a ticket to their award show, and once I gave them some really mediocre bourbon and they replaced it with a bottle of Lagavulin, so I'm okay with that arrangement.

What was I saying?

Oh, right. I wrote an article for them that somehow references Craigslist, Mario Batali, Tinder, Lee Daniels (kind of), and Bernie Madoff. I swear Lagavulin was not involved. It begins:

Congratulations, young social media guru, or former artist or journalist who now wants to get into this social media business. It’s the perfect time to make such a career move, if you can survive on ramen and are eager to rent a studio with five of your closest friends who you just met on Craigslist (or Tinder, or wherever kids meet today). After all, you were one of the first 50 million people on Snapchat and you had figured out Instagram long before Wal-Mart started using it for their weekly Guns & Taco Kit promotions, so you know all about how social works. Just in case you’re still a little too fired up for what’s ahead, here are four ways to kill your career before it even starts…

There may actually be some useful career advice in the mix. But given that my blog gets billions of hits and their blog only gets millions, I didn't think it was totally fair to repost the whole article here. You have to read it over at their blog, and then come back here to comment on it, and go back there to say you commented here, and go back here to respond to the comments left on your comment, and then right-swipe the comment on Pinterest.

Or something like that.