David Berkowitz Fires Himself from Serial Marketer


NEW YORK, Dec. 2, 2016 /Newswire-USNewswire/ — David Berkowitz, principal of Serial Marketer, has fired himself, effective immediately. Mr. Berkowitz will continue publishing Serial Marketer’s blog and newsletter, but business operations are now winding down, with remaining projects to be completed in the coming weeks.

“David Berkowitz was, to be totally honest, the worst boss I ever had,” said David Berkowitz, the sole employee of his sole proprietorship. “He would drive me crazy every single day, even on weekends. He wouldn’t leave me alone,” said Berkowitz. “Beyond that, he micromanaged everything with me. What a jerk.”

This was Mr. Berkowitz’s first time serving as his own chief executive, chief of operations, chief of finance, chief of client service, and intern.

“He never paid me on time – not once,” said Berkowitz.

If that wasn’t enough, the perks of the job left a lot to be desired. “In every other startup kitchen I’ve been to, there’s at least a token piece of fruit lying around,” said Berkowitz. “At Serial Marketer, it was carbs, carbs, carbs. The cabinets were full of ramen, mac & cheese, and Trader Joe’s cookies, with the freezer stocked with Ben & Jerry’s. And then he’d bring me out to these meetings where he’d ostensibly grab coffee with someone, and he’d order a red velvet latte – something with literally no nutritional value. Who the [censored] does that?”

Serial Marketer operated as a sole proprietorship registered with New York City since May 2016, following an agency and digital media career that spanned more than 15 years.

“The guy doesn’t even drink coffee!” said Berkowitz. “And I’m really sick of him constantly sending out these emails at 2am.”

As for Mr. Berkowitz’s career post-Serial Marketer, he anticipates making an announcement before the end of the year. He is looking forward to being part of a larger, global team doing breakthrough work to solve some of marketers’ most pressing challenges.

He would like to thank all of his clients for their trust in him, and his friends and family for their steady stream of support.

“It’s about time that he fired himself, because he was never going to quit,” said Mr. Berkowitz.

Mr. Berkowitz will not receive any severance pay, and he has not accrued any vacation days.

“See those benefits?” said Mr. Berkowitz. “It’s like I was telling you, I should have never worked for that guy in the first place.”

6 thoughts on “David Berkowitz Fires Himself from Serial Marketer

  1. David – Good afternoon from the Canuck region. I think this was an absolutely hilarious post! You still have your cameo on my twitter profile to cheer about 🙂 (Royalties accrued to date: 3 pints)

    Peter aka @ourmaninto

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