Here’s today’s Online Spin column, a little light reading ahead of the 4th of July weekend.
By now, you know which "Sex and the City" character you are, along
with which Disney princess, Victoria’s Secret angel, Spice Girl,
"L-Word" character, and Desperate Housewife. You can determine your
cosmic match among "Star Wars" and "Simpsons" characters, the Mafia,
NBA players, and midfielders. If you prefer inanimate objects, you can
choose among knowing which country, ice cream flavor, vegetable, and
style of jeans you identify with. Yes, thanks to Facebook,
psychological and philosophical mysteries are constantly unraveled, as
mankind can finally log on, add an application, and solve that once
unanswerable question: "Who am I?"
Now, it’s time to solve the question behind the question, the one
that gets to the depths of your moral fiber: "Which Facebook app are
you?" Take this simple quiz to find out:
1) How do you enable your users to communicate with each other?
C) Inviting friends to play
D) Turning friends into the undead
E) The answer to this question will be revealed once you’ve invited ten of your friends to take this quiz
2) What would most encourage your users to play with you long enough to get to level 2?
A) The chance to make the world a better place
B) The chance to be a celebrity
C) The chance to win a prize
D) The chance to show your friend who’s boss
E) The chance to get an instant power up just by inviting 20 more of your friends
3) Who developed you?
A) A college student
B) A developer in India
C) An interactive agency
D) A widget development hit factory
E) Osama Bin Laden, through his terrorist widget development startup, App Qaeda
4) What’s your developer’s exit strategy?
A) Landing a full-time job
B) Going it alone while figuring out the best business model
C) Selling the app to a larger development shop or big brand
D) VC funding
E) Selling user registration data to the highest bidder
5) Showing you on a profile page is a sign that the user…
A) Genuinely enjoys interacting with you
B) Displays pride in some country, cause, or team
C) Thinks you make the profile look cooler
D) Has tons of friends and wants everyone to know it
E) Probably doesn’t realize recruiters check out Facebook profiles
6) What’s the most momentous thing that happened from someone interacting with you?
A) Someone found out about a new concert by one of their favorite bands
B) Someone learned a new vocabulary word
C) Someone threw something at someone
D) Someone became a legendary drug dealer
E) Someone’s Facebook account was deleted for violating its terms of service
7) What user information do you incorporate?
A) Their social graph
B) Their interests
C) Their name
D) Their city and state
E) Their social security number
8) How do you feel about advertising?
A) I run ads from an ad network
B) I run ads from a widget/app network
C) I’m branded – I am an ad
D) Ooh, good one… haven’t thought about it yet
E) I turn all my users into ads for me, whether or not they know it
9) What success metrics do you take the most pride in?
A) How many people share me with their friends
B) How many people use me daily
C) How many people install me
D) How long people have interacted with me
E) How few people have reported me to the FBI
10) How will you fare when Facebook rolls out its redesign, relegating applications to a separate tab on profile pages?
A) I’ll miss a bit of the branding value, but I have sustainable momentum through word of mouth
B) I’m designed to appear regularly in the News Feed, so I’ll still be okay
C) My apps trigger enough notifications on Facebook
D) People keep coming back when they get e-mail updates
E) Every day a user doesn’t play me, I email his or her entire social graph telling them to have that user log in
Now it’s time to calculate your score. Score 5 points for each A, 4
for each B, 3 for each C, 2 for each D, and 1 for each E. Tally up your
total to determine which app you are:
41-50: Send Flowers to Mom: Every time someone
clicks you, they get another petal, and when there’s a full bouquet, it
sends flowers to your mom or your relative of choice
31-40: Puppy Picz: Every day, an insufferably adorable puppy appears on users’ profiles; click it to hear an even more adorable barking noise
21-30: Coke Invaders: It’s like Space Invaders, but
you’re a Coke can blasting Pepsi cans in this ingenious branded app
whose novelty wears off in about six seconds
11-20: Don’t Dump on My Lawn: Users try to take as
many dumps as they can on friends’ virtual lawns while trying to avoid
retaliation, in what’s sure to be the most addictive app in both the
Scatological and Gardening categories
0-10: Take a Wish Foundation: Users choose a photo
of a terminally ill child, review their wishes, and fulfill it for
themselves after they click the app thousands of times a day
Now you know what you really are — and you didn’t even need to log on to Facebook to find out.cebook App Are you?