The Ten Plagues of Social Media

Originally published in MediaPost's Social Media Insider

 Skull in a coffin - plagues 

In honor of the season, where some celebrate the ancient story of slaves' exodus from Egypt, it's time for a new telling of the ten plagues: the Ten Plagues of Social Media. All are paired with a counterpart from the ancient rendition.

Note that some debates remain as to the ancient plagues' literal meanings. When in doubt, I deferred to biblical scholar Robert Alter's translation of "The Five Books of Moses."

1) Blood: Lack of transparency

Whenever marketers aren't fully transparent as to who they are and what they're promoting when reaching out to consumers and online influencers, they cloud consumers' trust just like blood clouded the Nile. The demands of transparency also fall on the content producers whenever their contributions can be considered influenced by other parties.

2) Frogs: Oversharing

Imagine trying to get a good night's sleep with millions of frogs croaking up a storm. Now try staying on top of what's happening with your social graph when so many of their updates are dedicated to what errands they're running or how much they had to drink last night. Oversharing can wind up hurting relationships, and rightfully makes some question how much value social media adds to their lives.

3) Lice: Campaign-based thinking

It's hard to get lice out of your head, and there's no easy cure for shaking off campaign-based thinking, either. Campaign-to-campaign and quarter-to-quarter thinking prevents marketers from reaping the long-term benefits of social marketing.

4) Flies: Autoposting

Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, Foursquare, and other sites are not all the same, but the way some marketers unleash hoards of content, you might think the sites were interchangeable. Posting the same content in the same way across every social site is efficient for the producer, but diminishes the experience for the recipients. Marketers need to think twice about nearly any kind of automated messaging. There's a place for it; headline and deal feeds are some that can work as syndicated feeds while managing consumer expectations. The first instinct should be to avoid this, though.

5) Pestilence / livestock disease: Lack of internal communication

I don't want to refer to your colleagues (or mine) as livestock, but you depend on your colleagues for your livelihood and putting food on the table, just as our ancient forbears relied on livestock. When marketers and their agency partners aren't in close communication, and when there isn't communication internally with any of those parties, it amounts to a plague on their livelihood.

6) Boils: Lack of Integration

In this case, the plague fits the crime. Social marketing campaigns should be planned just as tightly in conjunction with other marketing programs as boils are connected to victims' skin. Perhaps it's not the most pleasant analogy, but these are the ten plagues, not the ten happiest things to ever happen.

7) Hail: Talking at consumers

Sometimes, reading marketers' updates in social channels feels like walking through a hailstorm. You get pelted by a self-aggrandizing update here and a limited-time offer there, and you can't wait to run for cover. Conversing and asking questions can soften the blows and make it more like a day at the beach.

8) Locusts: Bright shiny object syndrome

If you've ever seen a swarm of locusts on National Geographic Channel or Discovery, you'll appreciate why this was the first plague association to come to mind. Look at all the locusts move from field to field — blogs to MySpace to Second Life to widgets to Twitter to Facebook to augmented reality to Foursquare — sucking the life out of them and then looking for their next meal. Marketers can shed their locust exoskeletons by figuring out what works and sticking with it, even while exploring new opportunities.

9) Darkness: Lack of vision

When you see marketers fumble royally in social media, you're usually witnessing a marketer that didn't plan ahead. These fumbles can often arise when a marketer is dealing with a crisis, but they can also come up when marketers are more successful than they anticipated, such as when too many consumers take them up on a deal. Plan for the best and the worst, and be prepared to act when either arises to prevent darkness from descending on your social programs.

10) Death of the firstborn: Death of marketing as we know it

The death of the firstborn plague is the most permanent. There has been a similar plague on marketing and media: rising consumer expectations of some form of two-way communication. For consumers like myself who grew up writing letters to brands that pleasantly or unpleasantly surprised me, this is deliciously empowering. This plague will kill off some marketers who can't adapt.

Egypt wasn't undone by the exodus, or any version of it that has been passed down to us. It remained a capital of the ancient world for over a thousand years more and has been a pivotal part of many great civilizations and cultures since. Plagues may afflict us and they may kill off the weak, but the springtime exodus saga tells the greater story of rebirth and renaissance. If there's not a promised land for marketers per se, may we at least heal from these plagues to uphold brands' promises to consumers.

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3 thoughts on “The Ten Plagues of Social Media

  1. Love this! just a great job. You forgot the 11th plague: Matzah Crumbs–which would be leaving a trail of debris wherever you go and making other people pick up the pieces 😉

  2. Awwww lovely, and very festive. I particularly enjoyed point 4)on Autoposting. Different networks are different types of communication. Brands need to learn to use different voices for each… and where necessary refrain from talking in apertues where they don’t really have a voice at all.
    I’m glad you chose the exodus and not the easter story… I think it may have been a challenge keeping your points to a donkey, a crucification and the rebirth.
    Being a heathen I’m off to scoff some eggs though.

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