The Very Model of a WFH Professional

With apologies to W.S. Gilbert and Arthur Sullivan

Song: Work-from-Home Professional

I am the very model of a work-from-home professional,
Each morning light I dawdle to my Ikea confessional,
I know the kings of Twitter, and I quote their spats historical,
From Conways George to Kellyanne, they all can sound deplorable.
I’m very well acquainted too with choices most sartorial,
That pants are now deemed optional since time seemed immemorial,
About all marketing theorems, I’m teeming with a lot of news—
With many cheerful facts about the lift in views you stand to lose.

I’m so good at procrastinating all the tasks that pile up,
The dishes and the package boxes climb more than a mile up;
In short, in matters that pertain to Ikea confessionals,
I am the very model of a work-from-home professional.

I Zoom during a Hangout and I Skype on HQ Trivia,
I’m jealous of my friends who call from bunkers in Bolivia,
I take a break for yoga which I brag about on Instagram
But suck my gut in extra so my friends don’t see how fat I am.
My kitchen cupboard’s full of cans and anything served in a box,
I’m left with mostly candied yams as FreshDirect is out of lox,
My toilet paper is well stocked but all I found was single ply,
The cheeks I spend my whole day on, if they could talk would rather cry.

My self-assembled desk will change its height whether I sit or stand,
The Swedish-tinged instructions are the only thing that’s gone as planned;
And still, in matters that pertain to Ikea confessionals,
I am the very model of a work-from-home professional.

The liquor stores are open while we’re hoping for a remedy,
I watch the news while swigging booze and shout back a profanity,
I count the days in quarantine lamenting it’s the status quo,
But when it’s noon I swoon for updates from intrepid Andrew Cuo’.
The kids are doing classwork but they’re really on Nintendo Switch,
If animals are crossing, then I’m free to work on my next pitch,
To finish it’s quixotic but I reference Joe Exotic thrice,
I wouldn’t own a tiger cub but just one selfie would be nice.

It’s true that I’ve a smattering of elemental strategy,
You’ll say a work-from-home professional is at his apogee;
In short, in matters that pertain to Ikea confessionals,
I am the very model of a work-from-home professional.

Exit WFH Professional.

End of Act I.

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LEARN. TRY. SHARE.
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A HOOT OF A HOME SCHEDULER
Owl Labs presents a way to schedule rooms at home like conference rooms at the office. What better way to enjoy marital bliss than to shout at your spouse, “Hey, I scheduled the kitchen in the app! Can’t you read your @(%&ing alerts?”
https://www.wfhscheduler.com/

MAKING A MUCK OF TRENDS
Muck Rack, the go-to source for media relations, now has a trend monitoring tool so you can easily compare trends in the press, like searching for Joe Exotic vs. Carole Baskin, Passover vs. Easter, and coronavirus vs. humanity.
https://muckrack.com/trends/

INSERT QUEENS OF CORONA PUN HERE
If you want to see how many cases of coronavirus are in NYC near Julio and you, you can skip going down to the schoolyard and instead check this site with its heat map by zip code.
https://projects.propublica.org/graphics/covid-nyc

COVID, DON’T MESS WITH TEXAS
Texans can have data scare the bejesus out of them too. This project designed for Texans gives some customized color about the spread of the virus across the state.
https://lovetexans.org/

WEWORK’S MORE IMPORTANT NEWS STORY
Sure, SoftBank pulled its $3 billion tender offer, but you might have overlooked this much more important story: WeWork is donating space to government and nonprofit entities.
https://www.wework.com/ideas/landing-page/wework-for-good-initiative/

A SQUARE DEAL
Support local businesses by buying gift cards through Square. Just think how much you’ll love using these when they reopen — especially if you help them reopen.
https://giveandgetlocal.com/

TREND ME NOT
Okay, trend me. Here are retail trends from RetailMeNot about Covid.
https://insights.retailmenot.com/covid-weekly-trend-shifts

NO MORE IN-PERSON TEACHERS, NO MORE BOOKS
Standuply presents more than 1,000 ideas to give kids and parents some stimulating options when everyone’s home.
https://standuply.com/wfh-kids

IT’S THE END OF THE WAFFLE AS WE KNOW IT
My friend and Serial Marketers member Patrick “Pops” Garrett, founder of Bourbon & Banter, launched the Waffle House Armageddon podcast. I don’t know what that means, but I do like Waffle Houses and read way too many books about the end of the world, so this will probably be something amazing.
https://www.bourbonbanter.com/podcast/waffle-house-armageddon-a-podcast-debut/#.XotRu9NKiel

MORE RESOURCE HIGHLIGHTS
I’m adding a section on some other links from previous editions that may be helpful, and I’ll keep adding to them so you have them all in one place:

• Audible’s free audiobooks for kids
• Bing’s COVID-19 tracker
• Collaboration Superpowers presents tools for remote teams
• CoronaHub: the job board and Slack community
• Data hubs from Google and Foursquare with location trends related to coronavirus
• Domo’s coronavirus tracker and visualizations
• Financial Times: coronavirus tracker and visualizations (access for free)
• Google’s COVID-19 resources
• Guild’s work-from-home guide
• NUMA’s collection of business resources
• Owler’s company news tracker relating to coronavirus
• PPE resources from Laura Fitton
• Rockerbox’s D2C trends in light of shifting consumer behavior
• Springworks’ resources for managing remote teams
• Support Restaurants with dining bonds
• Tip bartenders handsomely (even the less handsome or pretty ones)
• Upskilling During a Downturn: resources from Scott Monty and Jeremiah Owyang
• USAFacts.org: up-to-the-minute metrics
• World Federation of Advertisers (WFA) tracks brand responses to coronavirus

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EVENTS
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Below are events that are either virtual or scheduled far enough out that they hope to be real-world functions. Please send over any great virtual events you’re hosting or attending, and I’ll add them to the list.

All times for virtual events are EST unless otherwise specified.

DIGIDAY: AMAZON STRATEGIES VIRTUAL FORUM
April 20-24
Virtual
“At the Amazon Strategies Virtual Forum, we’ll dive deep into the current state of the Amazon ecosystem, retail executives’ strategies for survival, the product page wars and much more. Over the course of five mornings from April 20 – 24, you’ll gain valuable insight and best practices for successfully advertising and selling on Amazon in the midst of the current crisis through interactive formats.”
https://digiday.com/event/amazon-strategies-virtual-forum-april-2020/

NOLA MUSICTECH
April 29
Va my friend Brian Zisk: “NOLA MusicTech Online on April 29th is the virtual update to our in-person event which was scheduled to take place during the New Orleans Jazz and Heritage Festival. An extension of the SF MusicTech Summit, the world’s best event around the convergence of Music and Internet technologies, please join us and hundreds of the leading MusicTech thought leaders online to connect and do business. More has happened around Internet Distribution in the last 5 weeks than over the previous 5 years, and we look forward to gathering the folks who are inventing the future, so we can all amplify what each other are building.”
http://nolamusictech.com/

SOCIAL MEDIA WEEK (PIVOTING TO VIRTUAL #SMWONE)
May 5-28
Virtual
The annual slate of thought-provoking programming returns. This is another can’t-miss event, even as the topics it covers expand way beyond social media as most of us know it.
https://smwone.com/

COMMUNITY CHAT SUMMIT 2020
June 3-4
Virtual
I’m excited to attend this one. You should too and take advantage of $49 earlybird tickets which cover the full two days: “The Community Chat Summit is a gathering of community builders helping each other navigate the world of community building by sharing resources, strategies, and best practices. Featuring keynote speakers, workshop sessions, 1 on 1 networking and more.”
https://hopin.to/events/community-chat-summit-2020?ref=b768882e4f91

SOCIAL MEDIA STRATEGIES SUMMIT (NEW DATES)
August 11-13
Chicago
I loved this event so much in New York that I’m joining them in Chicago as both a speaker and media sponsor. I’ll be speaking about how to build and run a successful B2B community, and of course I will be including examples from many others, with a bit of experience covering mistakes I’ve made that others can learn from.
https://socialmediastrategiessummit.com/chicago-2020/

LDV SUMMIT (NEW DATES)
February 10-11, 2021
NYC
“The premier global gathering in visual tech” is run by one of my favorite firms of any sort out there, LDV Capital. They specialize in bringing some of the best people together in all sorts of ways.
https://www.ldv.co/visionsummit

RECURRING EVENTS

SERIAL MARKETERS SALONS
Tuesdays, 3pm EDT
Come join fellow Serial Marketers members for an upcoming virtual chat. Following the first one about working from home, our next one will be wellness. If you can’t make this coming one, you can sign in and pick whichever dates you want to RSVP for (I scheduled ten for now). Please note: it’s password-protected for members of the community. Email me for access or check Slack. The next guest speakers and topics are:
-4/21: The Business of Podcasting with Sachit Gupta, Founder of Platforms Media
-4/28: Marketing in a Crisis with Juliana Marulanda, CEO of ScaleTime
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/serial-marketers-salons-tickets-101005644602

PROTOCOL LIVE
Thursdays, 3pm EDT
Virtual
“At Protocol, we cover the people, power and politics of technology so you — senior tech and business decision-makers — are armed with the news and analysis to lead your organizations and build your careers. We have launched Protocol Virtual Meetups to provide you the inside scoop on what we are seeing out in the tech landscape and give us all an opportunity to stay connected in these wild times.”
https://zoom.us/webinar/register/6115841070722/WN_iB-SNNyLQL661r5SdFZZiA

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JOBS
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Reach out to me if you want introductions or any additional information, and let me know if you have other job postings you’d like to share. There have also been job updates within Serial Marketers, so if you’re part of that, be sure to check the #jobs channel for more.

Also, related to professional development, I’m adding Lunch Club to the list of resources. I just made my first connection through there, and it was a very productive conversation. Thanks to reader Eric T. for the referral.

Other job resources:

• Ad Ops Online: Job listings for ad operations, programmatic account management, sales operations, and more.
• Built in NYC: Jobs at a range of levels and functions, as long as you’re okay working in this quaint, backwater hamlet.
• CareerList: Here’s a form for companies hiring and a form for job seekers; here’s the public list with tabs for both
• CoronaHub: Jobs relating to the crisis response
• ExecThread: Senior roles spanning a range of verticals and cities; membership is free but fully vetted (this uses my referral ID to get you in faster, but I don’t profit from it).
• The Hired Guns: An array of jobs in marketing and related fields at brands, agencies, and media companies
• Hunterz: A way for connectors to get paid to introduce startups to large enterprises
• Lunch Club: Match 1:1 around predetermined goals with accomplished professionals (free)
• NYC Ad Jobs & Networking: A popular Facebook group
• One Club for Creativity: COVID-19 Jobs Board
• TechNY Daily: While more technical, there are also some sales and marketing jobs at NY startups.
• VentureLoop: Free startup job listings; their paid option is $15/month and might surface more leads (but it might not).
• Wanted: Wanted helps top talent in tech and marketing find a job at your desired pay. Plug in your salary, stay anonymous at first, and connect with companies that want to recruit you.

Do you run or enjoy other job listing sites? Let me know, and I’ll share them.

This column was originally published in my newsletter. While I share the introductory column here, other updates such as jobs, events, and commentary on news are exclusively available to subscribers. Sign up now to make sure you receive it.